The title of this first entry is a loaded one for me. Years ago, before I ever entertained the notion of being in the Navy, let alone parlaying that into eventually becoming a defense contractor, I would have never imagined that I would ever see Guam, let alone move there.
A beautiful exile is a fragment from someone else's poetry. A long, languid prose poem, one which proved to be one of the most shaping things I read at that point in my life. Its impact on me as a writer was profound in the way that the typhoons that sweep Guam periodically are--they alter landscape, force even leisurely construction to smack of fortification, and in some way etch themselves into the background subconsciousness of the place's atmosphere.
I'll stop there, as this exile and this prehistoric analogue have their resemblances end at the water's edge. This trip to Guam, much as the poem, is a journey of self-discovery for the author. It was about her finding her way back to herself, just as it will be finding myself. And, as this poetess once also said, part of finding one's self is losing one's self, until coming back to a point where you want to say I.
This sounds all very poetical and hoighty-toighty. This blog will be anything but. However, the goals I've set for myself are somewhat akin to the journey in this poem I reference.
For too long in the course of my life, I've been trying to discover who I am. Check that. I've been trying to define who I am, based on who I thought I was previously and some delta-study between points of convergence and divergence in the hopes of becoming a better Josh, inevitably followed by some process of elimination that reconciled different iterations, but didn't come any nearer to finding the submerged portion of the iceberg that is, has been, and always be Josh, despite any changes I try or successfully implement. There's been heretofore far too much denial, and not enough embracing of that iceberg.
So, let's hone down that mission statement, and talk about content.
This blog is about getting back to me being me. About taking this self-imposed exile and finding out who Josh really is, and can be. It's also about self-improvement as much as it's about self-discovery. I'm 36 at the time I type this, and I could be happier. I'm not depressed or anything, but there comes a point at times in your life when you realize you've been resting on your laurels and you need to take a more active role in your own development.
So, here's what you'll find in OOG: The Island Blog (no order-derived emphasis):
1) Physical Self-improvement: I'm nearing what most people would term middle age. After ten years of the Navy telling me I need to work out x number of minutes y number of times in a week, I've had two years to get good and lazy and fall out of shape. That stops upon arrival. I smoke. I drink. I eat all the wrong food. Until recently, good metabolism and some freakishly strong mojo have kept me from completely falling apart. When I was young, I used to love running. I'm going to get that back. I'm going to become more satisfied with myself physically, medically, etc.
2) Mental Self-improvement: There are books I've put off reading, books I've put off writing. Things I've put off learning. I'm going to pick up my own rusty gauntlets and start making progress on these.
3) Travel: Guam isn't the only place I'll be. It's a gateway to other locales, some I've been to and squandered the opportunity, some I've yet to see. We're gonna see some sights in this blog, photos and tall tales and the whole kit and kaboodle.
4) Spiritual Self-improvement: No, I'm not suddenly resurrecting my residual Catholic tendencies here (although wouldn't that make a great name for a rock band?). I'm talking about just being happier being me. Getting right with me. Some self-analysis, but more importantly, some introspection without direction, figuring out if some of the assumptions I've made about myself might be bogus.
5) Cooking: This sounds counter-intuitive to losing weight and getting in shape at first blush, but it's really not. I'm thinking about starting a hydroponics garden, grilling, cooking at home more, and becoming better at all of these things.
6) Outward Self-improvement: I used to joke with folks that being my friend should entitle them to hazardous duty tax exemption and fire zone pay. But there's something that, flak be damned, keeps people in my corner. I want to capitalize on that, not for my benefit, but for my friends' benefit. Unless I can actually get the DOD to start issuing tax exempt status to folks on my facebook friends list, of course.
7) Letting People Know Who I Am: There have been points in my life where I've worried that aspects of me might not please people I want to please. Times where I've tried to be more appealing, or less individualistic for fear of sticking out. That all ends when I pull chocks from where I'm sitting in Fairfax, VA.
8) Archaeology of Previous Joshes: Sounds a little overblown, but I swear to you, if you'd met me at 18 and again at 23, then again at 33, you'd swear that in at least one instance, you might be talking to a superficially similar, but very different person. I want to reconcile those iterations, not to find a gestalt alloy of the previous constructs, but to get back to the basics, because on some level, I think even I've lost track a wee bit. Some of this may mean discussing what I prefer to call Old Business, because I will never write my memoirs (too many lawyers out there in the world). Names will be changed to protect the innocent and/or guilty, so if you're worried you might be a subject of one or more such entries, breathe easier.
9) Some Political and Philosophical Talk: It's me; we're not getting away from that. But as much as I love some friends' blogs (I'm looking at you, stonekettle.com...) I don't want this effort to get sidetracked in the political, or so out-there that we're contemplating our own belly buttons. But I'm going to have thoughts, and you're going to hear them.
10) A capture of what it is to live on Guam: Yes, that's right: even my narcissism knows some bounds. I'm moving to a freaking tropical island, dude! There's a whole culture and history to this place you've just got to learn about, and I'm just now barely getting to know it.
So, that's what I've got on these two stone tablets. That's what you'll read here. I intend to avoid too much psychological exfoliation, so expect lots of history, hydroponics hijinks, photos and explanations for said photos, and other stuff interspersed with some of the introspective stuff. Sometimes, you've got to get away from everything in order to figure out who you are. But there's that line from Buckaroo Bonzai... "No matter where you go, there you are." The trick, I think, is, that if you completely change your surroundings, you actually learn something about yourself. You may also get a chance to leave some bad habits behind. We'll see. Stay tuned.
