So, on Friday (not tomorrow as previously advertised, because Josh can't tell what day it is anymore), Tesla Pete and I are going to tour the Tasi 17 condos, and settle on the one(s) we'd like to lease.

This might sound run-of-the-mill. I mean, particularly for those of my friends that are military, we pack-up and move every three years or less most of the time anyhow.

There are two big differences here:

1) TP and I have been living in hotels for the better part of a month, and it'll be over a month by the time our household goods make it to Guam;
2) We're pulling out all the stops, and going to do this up big for the next year or two.


So, the places we're looking at range between 3200 and 3800 square feet of space. Some of that is eaten up by a garage (Tesla Pete does need a place to recharge the Tesla), some of that space is eaten up by a patio/balcony on each of the three floors of condo, plus a rooftop patio. The rest is pretty scary. TP is taking the master bedroom, with its jacuzzi and sauna. Why anyone in their right mind would want a sauna on Guam is beyond me; all you need do is step outside to get the same effect on a hot day. I'm still trying to secure visitation and/or joint-custody for the jacuzzi, though, of course.

I'll be taking the second floor living room and converting it into a ghetto-master bedroom. More square footage than the master, but no jacuzzi or sauna. However, TP and I have beautiful views of Tumon Bay, sunsets over the Philippine Sea, and local nightlife less than a mile away, so I reckon we'll both survive.

This does leave three bedrooms open for guests. I doubt they'll all ever be used at once, but I invite my friends to secure passage and test out limits.

The floors are, in most units, all hardwood. Somebody told me redwood, but I'm not going to repeat that until I'm sure. These condos for the most part have never been lived in; the last time we toured the places, microwaves and ovens still had instructions and styrofoam, as if they'd never been used.

This is the windward (eastern) exterior. Not much to scream about, I'll grant you. Nice big garage, few windows, sturdy construction. The thing is, this is sort of like a reverse mullet. The midwesterners out there will understand what I'm saying, but for those of you who don't: it's all business back here; the party's out front.

This is the view from the living room. What you're seeing is the perspective from the kitchen breakfast bar, looking west, over downtown Tumon, and onto Tumon Bay and the Philippine Sea. Sunset happens here. There's a patio right outside.

Lest we forget the place where food happens (aside from the grilling), this is the kitchen. Now, you're going to go "Ew, guh-REEN!" and I'm right there with you. We will not be having this watered-down olive drab crap in our kitchen. This was, however, the best-lit and most focused pic of the kitchens in the Tasi 17s available. And, to be honest, I just wanted to say guh-REEN once. For those of you of a culinary inclination, the fridge is off to the left (stage-right for you dramaturges), across the doorway, and is stainless steel and pretty.

This, my friends, is the rooftop patio. I imagine this is where trouble will either begin or end the evening when the moon's in the right phase. You'll note, just to the low-right, the primitive stool and table the construction people added. Expect that to be supplemented, because Tesla Pete and I really don't intend to throw small events if we're using the roof.

Breathtaking view up there.

Pretty good view here, too.

This is the view from what will be my room. It's technically a second floor living room. But, there's already a first floor area marked off for that function, so I said, why let TP have the view all to himself? Again, Tumon skyline, Bay and sea view, sunset looks grand. To the right will be my writer's nook with the glass, L-shaped desk. Center flush will be the bed, so I can watch the sunset in the event I want a midday siesta on the weekends. To the left will be an exercise area, probably an elliptical or bike, free weights, etc.

Now, lest I sell the place short, we must discuss the third floor, otherwise known as the realm of Pete.

Metrosexual experts tell me that the thing beside the toilet is called a "bidet." While I have had its use explained to me, I really don't count this as a loss on my part.

The wooden door on the right leads to a sauna. Again, I do not count this as a loss. Guam functions between 70-90 degrees regularly, with humidity ranges that are comparable, so I fail to see the worthwhile-ness of having a sauna.

But this, however, is where my hide gets chapped. Nay, chaffed. Jacuzzi. Indoor. This hurts on so many levels that I'm trying to work on getting Pete to give me a weekend every month where I can just come up and soak.

Now, let's talk about the "cool" factor: there's always one thing about a place, regardless of how swank it is, that just says "I want to live here, because...."

First, and the lesser of two temptations: Look at these closets. I mean, seriously.

Second: What you're seeing here is the view from the garage, just inside the regular-old-run-o-the-mill-exterior-door.

Look at that door. Yes, it's heavy duty metal. Yes, those are all bolts. Security? We haz it.

It's like the whole place is a panic/party room.

For those of you I haven't already bored, here's the floor plan:

I really do hope you can zoom in and read sideways, because for the life of me, I spent 20 minutes, and still couldn't make it right-side-up or larger at the same time.

Anyhow, that's the format for the places we'll be looking at. I expect we'll be moved in before the end of third week of January, and ready to receive limited visitations by February. Full-on just-show-up capacity will be established probably late March. So, those of you with the MAC or the frequent flier miles, you've got a place to crash.

That's the news from the western front. Tomorrow: a short blog about the importance of family and the ties that bind. Tis the season, and all that.